The Whoopin' that wasn't...

When I was about 8 years old we were living in Nebraska 'cause my father was stationed there with the Air Force. We moved a lot back then, some places were nice and some weren't. It just so happens that the place that this event occurred was one of the nicest places we ever lived.

It was a great neighborhood, we lived in a nice big brick house with lots of space to run and explore. There were also a lot of interesting things to do in our neighborhood. The only negative side to living where we did was the serious lack of other kids to play with. I think that most of our neighbors were older folks whose kids had already left home and so that left me and my younger brother Tony without any other kids to play with - that is until the Smiths (name changed to protect the guilty) showed up.

The Smiths moved in to an old house down the street from us, about 4 houses worth. I remember how excited Tony and I had gotten when we saw a whole bunch of kids helping to unload a big flatbed truck that the family had used to move their belongings with. I also remember how my little brother and I ran home and told my parents about our new neighbors. We were both so excited. My folks suggested that Tony and I wait until the next day and then go down and introduce ourselves, we thought waiting 24 hours was preposterous, but we did it anyway.

Have you ever been in a situation where you were so deficient in friends that you'd hang out with just about anyone just to stave off the loneliness? Well, that's basically what Tony and I ended up doing. It hadn't taken us very long to realize that the Smith boys were a real wild bunch. They didn't just wrestle each other, they get into some really big "knock down drag out" fights! They'd break things around the house like windows, doors, brick walls, etc. It just seemed like they were always looking for trouble. Now Tony and I on the other hand were absolutely petrified of our father and so we avoided trouble at all costs!

One day my brother and I and the Smith boys were playing hide and go seek. We were allowed to hide anywhere in their house or yard. I remember grabbing Tony by the shoulder and telling him "lets go hide in the basement in one of those cubby-holes the boys have dug out of the wall" - Tony was quick to agree and so we headed down there.

It seemed like we were in the grimy grubby moldy hole for like an hour, it was probably more like 15 minutes though. Suddenly we heard the Smith boys calling our names and informing us that we were in really big trouble with their mother. Tony and I could not imagine anything that we had done that would have incurred the wrath of that extremely large and mean looking woman. In fact, we had spent most of our time avoiding her and her temper whenever we were at the Smith household.

By the way, the Smith boys were not allowed to play at our house. My mother equated them to "a pack of stampeding elephants" for which she was not going to clean up after.

Anyway, Tony and I remained hidden in the cubby-hole, we were both of the mind that the Smith boys were simply trying to trick us into revealing our location. It was only after hearing the loud booming voice of Mrs. Smith did we realize that something was truly amiss.

Tony and I hesitantly crawled out of the dirty hole and made our way to the backyard of the Smith house where Mrs. Smith and the boys had all conglomerated. A couple of the Smith boys immediately ran over to my brother and I and grabbed our arms and walked us over to Mrs. Smith. Suddenly I noticed that the scary looking woman had a very large leather strap in her right hand and that she was striking her left hand with it in anticipation of its use - on US!

I was totally confused. I had no idea about what was going on. It was then that Mrs. Smith spoke to my brother and I and said "My boys tell me that you two are the ones that just ruined my garden. You boys are going to be very sorry for that."

Her garden? I looked behind and around her and sure enough her garden looked like a pack of wild animals and been let loose in it. Plants were uprooted, there were big holes where someone or something had kicked the dirt around, and an old dresser that had previously been sitting in the backyard, was now laying on its back - right smack dab in the middle of the garden.

I remember trying to take a big gulp and that my throat did not want to cooperate. I looked over at my little brother Tony and his eyes were as big as watermelons. We both knew that we had not done what we were being accused of - and it didn't take us but a few seconds to realize that we had been turned into scapegoats. One look at one of the Smith boys and we knew they had lied to their mother about us and had done the dastardly deed themselves.

"Now you boys bring the younger one to me first and after I get done with him I'll take care of the other one. You hold onto Tom's arms real good so he don't interfere none." said Mrs. Smith almost as if she was about to enjoy herself.

Not on my watch she wasn't!

I had quickly figured out that it would not have done any good for us to deny destroying her garden, she simply wouldn't have believed us.

So, I tried "Plan B".

"You know, my father is a REAL big man - he's a lot bigger than you Mrs. Smith."

I remember her boys all agreeing with me. And then I continued...

"My father is also very strong and has a real mean temper. As soon as he finds out that you've hit us - he will be down here at your house and will probably beat you up and tear your whole house down!"

Mrs. Smith laughed but you could see that she was thinking about what I had said.

Then one of her boys chirped in "Momma', I've seen Mr. D - he IS a real big man. He just might whoop all of us!"

Mrs. Smith continued to ponder my words.

I remember feeling like my heart was going pop out of my chest. But I also knew deep down inside, that IF Mrs. Smith did indeed lay a hand on us - there would be heck to pay on her part.

It seemed like we had stood there forever. Finally though, Mrs. Smith backed down.

"I'm still gonna' have to punish the two of you though." she said.

"I don't want either of you boys to ever come to my house again, you are a bad influence on my sons!"

I remember wanting to laugh out loud at what she said, but I succeeded in keeping my mouth shut and forbidding a smile to cross my face. I then quickly grabbed my brother's arm and pulled him along with me as I speedily departed the Smith backyard and headed for our house.

You know, neither one of us ever told my parents about what happened that day. We were both so afraid of any future encounters with the Smiths that we had promised each other to remain silent on the subject - that is, until just now.