No, not THE karate kid but a karate kid.
I grew up as a military brat which meant that my family and I moved every couple of years, even more than that sometimes. I was ALWAYS the new kid in school, somehow always showing up in the middle of a semester. Being bigger than most of the kids my age also made me stick out even more, especially to every school and neighborhood bully known to man.
At times I felt like I must have had an irremovable bull's eye painted on my forehead.
I remember the sixth grade especially. During that particular school year, I received over a dozen"licks" (whacks) - with a very hard wooden paddle, all of them for fighting. The not so funny things is though, I never started one single fight in my entire life.
I was always simply defending myself.
By the time I reached junior high school, I had had it with being bullied. Although I could fight back pretty good, I still got my butt kicked way too often. It was time to do something about it, so I signed up for a karate class at the local youth center.
Just prior to signing up, the martial arts legend Bruce Lee had become my hero. I was gonna' become an American Bruce Lee! I dedicated my life to karate. I never missed a practice which took place twice a week and was located a couple of miles from my home. I was so dedicated to the cause, that since I was unable to enlist a ride from anyone, I would jog to practice, practice for two hours, and then jog home.
I got into pretty good shape pretty darn fast. My self-confidence also grew at an amazing pace. I found that I could learn the forms and the moves very quickly and that I could advance from belt to belt easily. You should have seen me with the nunchucks, man was I fast. I could spin those "babies" so fast you couldn't hardly see them. I wasn't perfect at it though, several times I hit myself in the head by accident and nearly knocked myself out.
Things were going very well for me until two dramatic events occurred within close proximity of each other.
Number one, my hero Bruce Lee suddenly and unexplainedly died.
I was devasted. My world had been shattered.
Number two, my Sensei's (karate instructor) daughter took a sudden liking to me. That would have been okay with me if I had been attracted to her in a recipricol manner. Unfortunately I wasn't, in fact I found her very unattactive and even very annoying. Seeing that she was a fellow student in the class though, I could not avoid her.
The problem was, her mother (yes, my instructor was a female - a very tough female), had decided in her mind that I was the man (boy) for her daughter. Why, I don't know. But suddenly I found myself being constantly pressured to date a girl that I almost found repulsive - sad, but true. The more I resisted the relationship, the tougher things got for me at practice.
It seemed to me at the time, that I was always getting myself into very strange situations!
Anyway, I did the manly thing and without notice suddenly quit taking karate lessons. Unfortunately for me, there were no other dojos anywhere near where I lived and so karate got put on the back burner. In fact, I never took another "offcial" lesson again.
There were some positive twists though. First of all, I was never accosted by a bully again. Without doing or saying anything, somehow - miracously, the bull's eye had been removed from my forehead. Secondly, I was eventually elected president of the high school karate club thus making me feel more like a part of something instead of an outsider. Thirdly, my newly acquired self-confidence enabled me to particpate in future activties that requried some degree of daring and bravery. And finally, with what little martial arts skills that I had aquired in less than a year, I was able to defend myself or someone else effectively throughout the decades to follow.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Saturday, May 19, 2007
The Whoopin' that wasn't...
When I was about 8 years old we were living in Nebraska 'cause my father was stationed there with the Air Force. We moved a lot back then, some places were nice and some weren't. It just so happens that the place that this event occurred was one of the nicest places we ever lived.
It was a great neighborhood, we lived in a nice big brick house with lots of space to run and explore. There were also a lot of interesting things to do in our neighborhood. The only negative side to living where we did was the serious lack of other kids to play with. I think that most of our neighbors were older folks whose kids had already left home and so that left me and my younger brother Tony without any other kids to play with - that is until the Smiths (name changed to protect the guilty) showed up.
The Smiths moved in to an old house down the street from us, about 4 houses worth. I remember how excited Tony and I had gotten when we saw a whole bunch of kids helping to unload a big flatbed truck that the family had used to move their belongings with. I also remember how my little brother and I ran home and told my parents about our new neighbors. We were both so excited. My folks suggested that Tony and I wait until the next day and then go down and introduce ourselves, we thought waiting 24 hours was preposterous, but we did it anyway.
Have you ever been in a situation where you were so deficient in friends that you'd hang out with just about anyone just to stave off the loneliness? Well, that's basically what Tony and I ended up doing. It hadn't taken us very long to realize that the Smith boys were a real wild bunch. They didn't just wrestle each other, they get into some really big "knock down drag out" fights! They'd break things around the house like windows, doors, brick walls, etc. It just seemed like they were always looking for trouble. Now Tony and I on the other hand were absolutely petrified of our father and so we avoided trouble at all costs!
One day my brother and I and the Smith boys were playing hide and go seek. We were allowed to hide anywhere in their house or yard. I remember grabbing Tony by the shoulder and telling him "lets go hide in the basement in one of those cubby-holes the boys have dug out of the wall" - Tony was quick to agree and so we headed down there.
It seemed like we were in the grimy grubby moldy hole for like an hour, it was probably more like 15 minutes though. Suddenly we heard the Smith boys calling our names and informing us that we were in really big trouble with their mother. Tony and I could not imagine anything that we had done that would have incurred the wrath of that extremely large and mean looking woman. In fact, we had spent most of our time avoiding her and her temper whenever we were at the Smith household.
By the way, the Smith boys were not allowed to play at our house. My mother equated them to "a pack of stampeding elephants" for which she was not going to clean up after.
Anyway, Tony and I remained hidden in the cubby-hole, we were both of the mind that the Smith boys were simply trying to trick us into revealing our location. It was only after hearing the loud booming voice of Mrs. Smith did we realize that something was truly amiss.
Tony and I hesitantly crawled out of the dirty hole and made our way to the backyard of the Smith house where Mrs. Smith and the boys had all conglomerated. A couple of the Smith boys immediately ran over to my brother and I and grabbed our arms and walked us over to Mrs. Smith. Suddenly I noticed that the scary looking woman had a very large leather strap in her right hand and that she was striking her left hand with it in anticipation of its use - on US!
I was totally confused. I had no idea about what was going on. It was then that Mrs. Smith spoke to my brother and I and said "My boys tell me that you two are the ones that just ruined my garden. You boys are going to be very sorry for that."
Her garden? I looked behind and around her and sure enough her garden looked like a pack of wild animals and been let loose in it. Plants were uprooted, there were big holes where someone or something had kicked the dirt around, and an old dresser that had previously been sitting in the backyard, was now laying on its back - right smack dab in the middle of the garden.
I remember trying to take a big gulp and that my throat did not want to cooperate. I looked over at my little brother Tony and his eyes were as big as watermelons. We both knew that we had not done what we were being accused of - and it didn't take us but a few seconds to realize that we had been turned into scapegoats. One look at one of the Smith boys and we knew they had lied to their mother about us and had done the dastardly deed themselves.
"Now you boys bring the younger one to me first and after I get done with him I'll take care of the other one. You hold onto Tom's arms real good so he don't interfere none." said Mrs. Smith almost as if she was about to enjoy herself.
Not on my watch she wasn't!
I had quickly figured out that it would not have done any good for us to deny destroying her garden, she simply wouldn't have believed us.
So, I tried "Plan B".
"You know, my father is a REAL big man - he's a lot bigger than you Mrs. Smith."
I remember her boys all agreeing with me. And then I continued...
"My father is also very strong and has a real mean temper. As soon as he finds out that you've hit us - he will be down here at your house and will probably beat you up and tear your whole house down!"
Mrs. Smith laughed but you could see that she was thinking about what I had said.
Then one of her boys chirped in "Momma', I've seen Mr. D - he IS a real big man. He just might whoop all of us!"
Mrs. Smith continued to ponder my words.
I remember feeling like my heart was going pop out of my chest. But I also knew deep down inside, that IF Mrs. Smith did indeed lay a hand on us - there would be heck to pay on her part.
It seemed like we had stood there forever. Finally though, Mrs. Smith backed down.
"I'm still gonna' have to punish the two of you though." she said.
"I don't want either of you boys to ever come to my house again, you are a bad influence on my sons!"
I remember wanting to laugh out loud at what she said, but I succeeded in keeping my mouth shut and forbidding a smile to cross my face. I then quickly grabbed my brother's arm and pulled him along with me as I speedily departed the Smith backyard and headed for our house.
You know, neither one of us ever told my parents about what happened that day. We were both so afraid of any future encounters with the Smiths that we had promised each other to remain silent on the subject - that is, until just now.
It was a great neighborhood, we lived in a nice big brick house with lots of space to run and explore. There were also a lot of interesting things to do in our neighborhood. The only negative side to living where we did was the serious lack of other kids to play with. I think that most of our neighbors were older folks whose kids had already left home and so that left me and my younger brother Tony without any other kids to play with - that is until the Smiths (name changed to protect the guilty) showed up.
The Smiths moved in to an old house down the street from us, about 4 houses worth. I remember how excited Tony and I had gotten when we saw a whole bunch of kids helping to unload a big flatbed truck that the family had used to move their belongings with. I also remember how my little brother and I ran home and told my parents about our new neighbors. We were both so excited. My folks suggested that Tony and I wait until the next day and then go down and introduce ourselves, we thought waiting 24 hours was preposterous, but we did it anyway.
Have you ever been in a situation where you were so deficient in friends that you'd hang out with just about anyone just to stave off the loneliness? Well, that's basically what Tony and I ended up doing. It hadn't taken us very long to realize that the Smith boys were a real wild bunch. They didn't just wrestle each other, they get into some really big "knock down drag out" fights! They'd break things around the house like windows, doors, brick walls, etc. It just seemed like they were always looking for trouble. Now Tony and I on the other hand were absolutely petrified of our father and so we avoided trouble at all costs!
One day my brother and I and the Smith boys were playing hide and go seek. We were allowed to hide anywhere in their house or yard. I remember grabbing Tony by the shoulder and telling him "lets go hide in the basement in one of those cubby-holes the boys have dug out of the wall" - Tony was quick to agree and so we headed down there.
It seemed like we were in the grimy grubby moldy hole for like an hour, it was probably more like 15 minutes though. Suddenly we heard the Smith boys calling our names and informing us that we were in really big trouble with their mother. Tony and I could not imagine anything that we had done that would have incurred the wrath of that extremely large and mean looking woman. In fact, we had spent most of our time avoiding her and her temper whenever we were at the Smith household.
By the way, the Smith boys were not allowed to play at our house. My mother equated them to "a pack of stampeding elephants" for which she was not going to clean up after.
Anyway, Tony and I remained hidden in the cubby-hole, we were both of the mind that the Smith boys were simply trying to trick us into revealing our location. It was only after hearing the loud booming voice of Mrs. Smith did we realize that something was truly amiss.
Tony and I hesitantly crawled out of the dirty hole and made our way to the backyard of the Smith house where Mrs. Smith and the boys had all conglomerated. A couple of the Smith boys immediately ran over to my brother and I and grabbed our arms and walked us over to Mrs. Smith. Suddenly I noticed that the scary looking woman had a very large leather strap in her right hand and that she was striking her left hand with it in anticipation of its use - on US!
I was totally confused. I had no idea about what was going on. It was then that Mrs. Smith spoke to my brother and I and said "My boys tell me that you two are the ones that just ruined my garden. You boys are going to be very sorry for that."
Her garden? I looked behind and around her and sure enough her garden looked like a pack of wild animals and been let loose in it. Plants were uprooted, there were big holes where someone or something had kicked the dirt around, and an old dresser that had previously been sitting in the backyard, was now laying on its back - right smack dab in the middle of the garden.
I remember trying to take a big gulp and that my throat did not want to cooperate. I looked over at my little brother Tony and his eyes were as big as watermelons. We both knew that we had not done what we were being accused of - and it didn't take us but a few seconds to realize that we had been turned into scapegoats. One look at one of the Smith boys and we knew they had lied to their mother about us and had done the dastardly deed themselves.
"Now you boys bring the younger one to me first and after I get done with him I'll take care of the other one. You hold onto Tom's arms real good so he don't interfere none." said Mrs. Smith almost as if she was about to enjoy herself.
Not on my watch she wasn't!
I had quickly figured out that it would not have done any good for us to deny destroying her garden, she simply wouldn't have believed us.
So, I tried "Plan B".
"You know, my father is a REAL big man - he's a lot bigger than you Mrs. Smith."
I remember her boys all agreeing with me. And then I continued...
"My father is also very strong and has a real mean temper. As soon as he finds out that you've hit us - he will be down here at your house and will probably beat you up and tear your whole house down!"
Mrs. Smith laughed but you could see that she was thinking about what I had said.
Then one of her boys chirped in "Momma', I've seen Mr. D - he IS a real big man. He just might whoop all of us!"
Mrs. Smith continued to ponder my words.
I remember feeling like my heart was going pop out of my chest. But I also knew deep down inside, that IF Mrs. Smith did indeed lay a hand on us - there would be heck to pay on her part.
It seemed like we had stood there forever. Finally though, Mrs. Smith backed down.
"I'm still gonna' have to punish the two of you though." she said.
"I don't want either of you boys to ever come to my house again, you are a bad influence on my sons!"
I remember wanting to laugh out loud at what she said, but I succeeded in keeping my mouth shut and forbidding a smile to cross my face. I then quickly grabbed my brother's arm and pulled him along with me as I speedily departed the Smith backyard and headed for our house.
You know, neither one of us ever told my parents about what happened that day. We were both so afraid of any future encounters with the Smiths that we had promised each other to remain silent on the subject - that is, until just now.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
I've never run out of gas since!
As a teenager and young adult, I had a really bad habit of driving my car(s) until they ran out of gas. It was a really stupid thing to do and I'm sure that there was probably some deep psychological issue that needed dealt with at the time but I didn't know what it was.
Anyway, around 1981, I was driving alone back from Mississippi to my in-law's home in Valparaiso, Florida. My wife (at the time) and I had just recently purchased a brand new Aries-K car and I had been under the impression that the gas tank held much more gas than it really did. Unfortunately, it was around 1:00 a.m. in the morning when I discovered that I had made a miscalculation.
I was driving south on Florida highway 20 and found myself located south of the city of Crestview. In that part of northwest Florida, highway 20 runs through Air Force property. Suddenly my new car began to sputter and lose speed - it didn't take me but a second to realize what was wrong. As I scanned the side of the highway for a good place to pull over, I noticed a forest ranger station just up ahead on the right. The station consisted of a high observation tower with a small home located at the base of the tower. I decided to park my car on the side of the highway near the station because it was well lit and it would be easy to relocate my car after getting gasoline for it.
Have you ever tried to hitchhike at 1:30 in the morning? It's really no fun. For some reason, no one wants to stop and pick up a stranger at that hour. I must have tried for an hour to no avail. As I was standing there on the side of the road, I just happened to look back at the house located at the base of the ranger tower. I quickly noticed that the lights were on and that someone was peeking out at me through the venetian blinds. I then decided to walk over to the house and try to get the residents to let me use their telephone - that was a very big mistake on my part.
As I approached the front door I noticed that no one was peeking at me anymore. I hesitantly knocked on the door but no one responded, inside there were at least two big dogs barking at me. I had a feeling though that "somebody" was standing on the other side of that door. I knocked again and then I told anyone who might be listening that I had run out of gas and needed to use a telephone to call for assistance. Still no response. I went on to talk to the door and to identify myself by giving my name and the fact that I was in the military and posed no threat to anyone.
Still no response.
As I turned to walk back to my car I noticed that a late 70's model Camaro was pulling into the driveway of the property. The driver of the vehicle jumped out and asked me what was wrong. After I explained my situation to the man he responded with "Hey no problem dude, you can come on in and use my telephone. I'm surprised my girlfriend didn't let you in."
As I was about to say something to the guy, we both suddenly heard police sirens - lots and lots of them. Can you imagine the surprise that both of us got when all of a sudden there were three military jeeps with lights blazing and sirens blaring, quickly pulling into the driveway? We just stood there in shock. As the jeeps came to a stop, two or three military policemen from each vehicle leaped to the ground and rushed us (this is way before 9/11 mind you!). Before we knew it, we had almost a dozen 45 automatic handguns pointing at us!
A small man, apparently the leader of the group, yelled toward us "Freeze! Put your hands in the air and do not move or you WILL BE shot!" - believe me, we didn't move.
"Now, I want the two of you to step forward and place your hands on the front of the closest jeep."
By then, me and the other guy were shaking in our shoes. Then as we both started to move forward, the military policeman shrieked at us "I told you guys not to move!".
Suddenly, I found myself in the twilight zone. The other and guy and I just looked at each other trying to make sense of what was going on. The thought quickly came to my mind that if one us sneezed, one or both of us would be shot. A few seconds later we found ourselves being thoroughly frisked by some of the other military personnel. I tried to explain my situation but was told to shut up and remain silent. I was so glad that they came across my military I.D. card when they did.
It didn't take the policemen long to verify that my I.D. was for real. All of a sudden the leader became receptive to my explanation of why I was there and then he had his men lower their weapons. I was relieved but my body still shook quite a bit. The other guy was in the same shape that I was and then he got real angry when he found out that his girlfriend had called the Air Force security police and told them that I was trying to break into his house.
"I'm sorry man, I don't know why she did that."
I forgave the guy, I felt sorry for him - and for us. He offered to let me into his house so that I could use the telephone. The military police offered to stay and keep an eye on me - for what reason I do not know. The forest ranger declined the offer though and sent them on their way, he and I were both very ready to see them leave. As we made our way to the front door it slowly opened. Standing just inside the doorway was the man's girlfriend.
She had a twelve inch butcher knife in her hand and two very large guard dogs standing behind her. "I'm sorry, I was scarred." she said.
I didn't know what so say in response to that. I just quickly used the telephone and called my then father-in-law. Later, as he pulled up to my car with a can filled with gasoline he was laughing very hard at me. I was still shaking though and in fact I shook all the way to his house that morning.
I've never run out of gas since that day.
Anyway, around 1981, I was driving alone back from Mississippi to my in-law's home in Valparaiso, Florida. My wife (at the time) and I had just recently purchased a brand new Aries-K car and I had been under the impression that the gas tank held much more gas than it really did. Unfortunately, it was around 1:00 a.m. in the morning when I discovered that I had made a miscalculation.
I was driving south on Florida highway 20 and found myself located south of the city of Crestview. In that part of northwest Florida, highway 20 runs through Air Force property. Suddenly my new car began to sputter and lose speed - it didn't take me but a second to realize what was wrong. As I scanned the side of the highway for a good place to pull over, I noticed a forest ranger station just up ahead on the right. The station consisted of a high observation tower with a small home located at the base of the tower. I decided to park my car on the side of the highway near the station because it was well lit and it would be easy to relocate my car after getting gasoline for it.
Have you ever tried to hitchhike at 1:30 in the morning? It's really no fun. For some reason, no one wants to stop and pick up a stranger at that hour. I must have tried for an hour to no avail. As I was standing there on the side of the road, I just happened to look back at the house located at the base of the ranger tower. I quickly noticed that the lights were on and that someone was peeking out at me through the venetian blinds. I then decided to walk over to the house and try to get the residents to let me use their telephone - that was a very big mistake on my part.
As I approached the front door I noticed that no one was peeking at me anymore. I hesitantly knocked on the door but no one responded, inside there were at least two big dogs barking at me. I had a feeling though that "somebody" was standing on the other side of that door. I knocked again and then I told anyone who might be listening that I had run out of gas and needed to use a telephone to call for assistance. Still no response. I went on to talk to the door and to identify myself by giving my name and the fact that I was in the military and posed no threat to anyone.
Still no response.
As I turned to walk back to my car I noticed that a late 70's model Camaro was pulling into the driveway of the property. The driver of the vehicle jumped out and asked me what was wrong. After I explained my situation to the man he responded with "Hey no problem dude, you can come on in and use my telephone. I'm surprised my girlfriend didn't let you in."
As I was about to say something to the guy, we both suddenly heard police sirens - lots and lots of them. Can you imagine the surprise that both of us got when all of a sudden there were three military jeeps with lights blazing and sirens blaring, quickly pulling into the driveway? We just stood there in shock. As the jeeps came to a stop, two or three military policemen from each vehicle leaped to the ground and rushed us (this is way before 9/11 mind you!). Before we knew it, we had almost a dozen 45 automatic handguns pointing at us!
A small man, apparently the leader of the group, yelled toward us "Freeze! Put your hands in the air and do not move or you WILL BE shot!" - believe me, we didn't move.
"Now, I want the two of you to step forward and place your hands on the front of the closest jeep."
By then, me and the other guy were shaking in our shoes. Then as we both started to move forward, the military policeman shrieked at us "I told you guys not to move!".
Suddenly, I found myself in the twilight zone. The other and guy and I just looked at each other trying to make sense of what was going on. The thought quickly came to my mind that if one us sneezed, one or both of us would be shot. A few seconds later we found ourselves being thoroughly frisked by some of the other military personnel. I tried to explain my situation but was told to shut up and remain silent. I was so glad that they came across my military I.D. card when they did.
It didn't take the policemen long to verify that my I.D. was for real. All of a sudden the leader became receptive to my explanation of why I was there and then he had his men lower their weapons. I was relieved but my body still shook quite a bit. The other guy was in the same shape that I was and then he got real angry when he found out that his girlfriend had called the Air Force security police and told them that I was trying to break into his house.
"I'm sorry man, I don't know why she did that."
I forgave the guy, I felt sorry for him - and for us. He offered to let me into his house so that I could use the telephone. The military police offered to stay and keep an eye on me - for what reason I do not know. The forest ranger declined the offer though and sent them on their way, he and I were both very ready to see them leave. As we made our way to the front door it slowly opened. Standing just inside the doorway was the man's girlfriend.
She had a twelve inch butcher knife in her hand and two very large guard dogs standing behind her. "I'm sorry, I was scarred." she said.
I didn't know what so say in response to that. I just quickly used the telephone and called my then father-in-law. Later, as he pulled up to my car with a can filled with gasoline he was laughing very hard at me. I was still shaking though and in fact I shook all the way to his house that morning.
I've never run out of gas since that day.
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